The Lie Clock

This is stolen, without a bit of regret, from the Patriot Post Humor email. If you don't know this web site, I strongly recommend you check it out.

The Lie Clock
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter's desk at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks there for?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa 's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's George Washington's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Washington told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Barack Obama 's clock?" asked the man.

"Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

The Week In Review

It was a pretty good week, all things considered. A mix of tedium, joy, and sorrow, interspersed with a lot of time behind the camera. (Follow the links in the text to see the pictures.)

It started with the Low Country Boil at Jon and Missy's place on Saturday. There was a ton of work put into the staging of this annual event, and everyone who was privileged to attend had a wonderful time. I personally talked to more than one person who was unsure as to whether or not they would like it. The universal comment was that it was a terrific get-together. Nearly everyone stayed longer than they had planned, a sure sign of a great party.

On Sunday morning (barely) we set sail toward Missouri. After only one false start, we had successfully loaded Sandy, Sam, and ourselves into Marilyn's Commander and started toward the worst part of the trip, Atlanta. After a day or so of Cracker Barrel restaurants, gas stations, rest areas, and (not really all that many) idiots on the road, we found ourselves in Calvert City, KY for the night. After a night's rest we hit the road again, and pulled into Concordia at around 5 on Monday evening.

Tuesday we went to the Anderson House and Civil War museum. If you're ever in Lexington, Missouri take the place in. If nothing else, you'll learn where Rooster Cogburn's cat got his name.

Wednesday, we visited with Grandma's attorney to go over some nuts and bolts about the trust, and then had a nice visit with Marilyn's sister to celebrate Marilyn's Mom's 78th birthday.

The farm is looking great, and Missouri is a lot greener than it has any right to be in the middle of July. It's been a wet year.

Thursday morning, we made our tearful goodbyes and pointed the Jeep Southeast. When we got to St. Louis, we stopped to visit the Gateway Arch. I've been driving past it for 40 years, and finally got to see the inside of the thing. The Museum is nice, the shops are as overpriced as you might expect, and the "elevator" to the top is, well, interesting. Imagine riding to the top of a 630 foot tall stainless steel pipe in a dryer drum. The tram cars are 4' 4" tall, and seat 5 people. I'm not sure if I was supposed to be a load of socks, or Mork, but the egg took us to the top where the view was spectacular. If you have vertigo, like me, rest assured that there is plenty of "hang onto" space when you look down on the river and the city. If you're claustrophobic, I would recommend not riding in the tram, and enjoying the arch from the ground.

After about 2 hours at the Arch, Aunt Sophie (our GPS) put us back on the interstate with a minimum of fuss, and we made it back to Calvert City, and the world's best Super 8 Motel. (Really.)

Friday morning, we were on the road again, and aside from a little stop and go trying to negotiate Atlanta again we were home by 4:00.

Saturday morning we again loaded the Commander with people and headed for Demorest, GA and Piedmont College to watch Jon get his MBA. Congratulations Jon, you've made your entire family proud.

Saturday evening, we got some sad news. Sparky, Tyler and Sam's Jack Russell was hit by a car and killed. Boys, I know how it feels to lose a pet, and my heart goes out to you. All I can recommend is that you remember all the good times you had with him, and be thankful that he was a part of your life that you'll never forget.

Today, we had the nervous breakdown that had been building all week. I took a 3 hour nap, and feel like I could do it all again next week.

God's been good to me and the family, and I thank Him for every blessing we've received, and pray that he will continue to bless all of my loved ones.

Stay well.

Downhill Run

Well, we're back in Calvert City, KY, and just about ready to start our downhill run toward Monroe and Jersey. We've got about 7 hours on the road (God and traffic willing) and should be home around 4 PM.

I know I still owe you a load of pictures, but my laptop battery is on it's last leg.

Stay well and be safe.

Parting is Such Darned Sorrow

Even though I have been practicing this for 40 years, this is the most difficult day of the trip. This morning we get to say "Goodbye" to Violet, Princess, and the farm, and point the car Southeast. Marilyn, Sandy, Sam and I have all had a wonderful, if all too short, visit, and need to be on the road back to Monroe so we can see Jon get his MBA on Saturday.

Everyone we've talked to here is doing well. Last night we celebrated Marilyn's Mom's 78th Birthday with Lois, and spent the evening going over things remembered. I will miss all of this more than I can say in a blog.

I've been extremely lucky to have married into a family of solid, hard working, God fearing folks who went out of their way to make me feel like I belonged in this part of the world. If heaven is anything like Concordia, Missouri, it couldn't be better.

We've got a long ride ahead of us, and the postponed (due to a late start) visit to the Arch, so I'll quit for now.

I'll try to get some more pictures uploaded when we stop tonight.

Stay well, and stay safe.

Concordia, At Last

We made it to Concordia last night around 1700 CDT with little drama. The trip was long, as usual, but thankfully, uneventful.

Grandma is doing well. The quilts are still beautiful, and the farm looks fantastic.

Sam switches back and forth from completely bored out of his mind to stoked. He had a great time stomping around on hay bales, and watching the bat planes fly over head. Special thanks to the folks at Whiteman AFB for the B-2 flyover in his honor. :)

Sandy and Marilyn are gradually recovering from their saddle sores after 2 days in a car, and I'm (finally) well rested after a night at the Travellodge.

Today, we're going to visit the Anderson House, and make sure Gen. Sterling Price still whupped the Yankees in the Battle of Lexington in Sept. 1861.

More to follow.

Stay well, and keep smiling.

Over the River and Through the Woods

Some time in the next 2 hours, we will depart for Grandma's house. I am looking forward to seeing Marilyn's Mom and the farm.

She's been busy making improvements over the last couple of years. The old pond has been rebuilt, the picturesque but decrepit brooder houses have been removed. The dirt floor in the machine shed is now concrete. The old pond that was full of cattails (and at one time, catfish) is gone, and turned back into pasture. It will be good to visit with her and see her latest crafts. She's a world class quilter, and a pretty fair hand at china painting, too.

I know Sam is chomping at the bit waiting for us to show up, and Sandy is running around like a headless chicken doing all of the last minute stuff that seems to be necessary before a road trip. Marilyn is busy doing her getting ready, and I'm dreading the drive, but looking forward to the trip.

I'll post again tonight or tomorrow morning and let y'all know about our progress.

Stay well, and keep smiling.

Let the Craziness Begin!

This looks to be an interesting week.

In a couple of hours I'll be off to a) find some stakes for horseshoes, b) deliver a 12x24 tarp, lanterns, chairs, the aforementioned stakes, coolers, and other equipment necessary for a good party to my Son and Daughter-in-Law's home for their annual Low Country Boil. They sent out over 100 invitations, and are expecting a boat-load of friends.

After this evening's festivities it will be home to pack. We're leaving in the morning for a whirlwind tour of Mid-America to help Marilyn's Mom celebrate her birthday. We'll be leaving Sunday morning, and arriving in Concordia on Monday afternoon after an overnight stop in Illinois, a tour of the Gateway Arch, and visits to numerous Cracker Barrel Restaurants. Accompanying us will be Sandy and Sam. It's his year to come to the farm with us.

Following an all too short 3 day visit to the heartland, it's back on the road again and a mad dash for home to be able to attend Jon's graduation from grad school on Saturday. Congratulations Jon! You've (again) made us proud.

Then comes the nervous breakdown.

I'm hauling the laptop along, and will publish updates and pictures as I can.

Who ever said retirement was boring?

Stay well.

Things That Rub My Fur the Wrong Way

Hair. If it's going to fall out, why doesn't it quit growing first? And why don't balding men get a discount at the barber shop?

Telemarketers. If they have to call, why do they start the call with "Please hold for the next available representative"? An uninvited interruption of my day should at least have a real person on the other end of the line so I can vent. And robo-calls where you never get to hear a live voice are even worse.

Grass. You cut it, and it gets mad and grows faster.

Georgia clay. Red, sticky, and doesn't drain worth a darn. Creates bogs for the aforementioned lawn mower.

Things that are designed to wear out. Tires, brakes, and my body. Some days I wish I could jack up my glasses and run a new chassis under them.

Blood chemistry. My total cholesterol is about 140, but my lipids and HDL to LDL ratio are screwed. I take 5 pills a day and eat like a squirrel to keep it in check.

Insurance companies. My health insurance is better than screwing the public out of my health care, but only slightly.

Congress. If there ever was a bigger collection of idiots under one dome, I challenge anyone to point it out to me.

Politics. From the Greek - Poly meaning many and Ticks - blood sucking insects.

The people on the Weather Channel. The world's largest collection of disaster loving ghouls.

People who hate other people because of differing political convictions. Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

Michael Jackson. Living or Dead. The media has turned someone who gave every indication of being a self loathing freak into a saint. Enough already.

I'm beginning to depress myself, so I'll quit for a while.

Stay well, and keep smiling. It confuses the heck out of people who are out to get you. :)